does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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