If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
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I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
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I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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