I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
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he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
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Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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