What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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