Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry my hands just texted you
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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