how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize