Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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