what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize