just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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