do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
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