this beer tastes like vomit already
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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