her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
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Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
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I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Floor bacon is actually really good
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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