If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
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it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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