i already hear my dad disowning me
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize