If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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