I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
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