I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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