Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
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But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
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I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
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