Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
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