um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
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