sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize