Soap is not a condiment
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
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Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not a walk of shame if you run
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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