if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize