she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
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Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
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No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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