I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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