Princesses don't give blow jobs
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize