He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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