the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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