Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
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If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
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you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
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New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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