Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
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if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
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I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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