you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
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Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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