I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
We are two peas in an std pod
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize