Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize