i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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