I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
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haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
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We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I forget how to act sober
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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