Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
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I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
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I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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