The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
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I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
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You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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