just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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