a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
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drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
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And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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