I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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