i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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