I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize