the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I want to be your penis for a week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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