Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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