I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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