I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
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My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I deserve this hangover.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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