tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
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There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
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Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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