I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
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We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
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I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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