WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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