it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize